Happy Birthday to Me

So I celebrated a milestone birthday, in Quarantine.  Coronavirus put my NJ home on lockdown since early March and we’ve been in that surreal world that feels like it’s not even real.  Getting older is kind of the same.  Relatives and friends tell you that you’re THIS MANY… and your birth certificate backs it up, but it just doesn’t feel real.  Inside I still feel like the same person I’ve always been, just a better version.

My sister made me this video and I look back and see how blessed I am.  I love my adulthood, I love the minute I am in, but godddamit—I’d go back and relive every one of these memories this video brought back. The people, the places… my fam.  And while I am on that, I have the best family in the world. I am proud of what I have done with this life and a big driver for me is the people in this video.  I love making my family proud of me and trying to set an example for my niece and nephew. Since they have been born, my life has taken an unbelievable turn for the better.  Part living up to who I want to be for them, the possibility this world has to offer and part I think they are my good luck charms.

This is probably the first birthday I ever had though, that I seriously thought that birthdays as a thing, are finite.  Maybe it’s the birthday, maybe it’s the quarantine, maybe it’s both.  I am hopeful for many, many more years with this cast of characters.  I haven’t written in my blog in a while and I am not finding the words, out of practice. Or maybe I am just humbled and there are no words to be a part of the world in that video.  My parents would have been proud of me if i never moved out of their house.  I never had kids of my own, but there’s the recipe for all you parents out there.  Be proud of your kids.  It’s amazing fuel, for you and them.  It’s also very cool to be the kind of brother a sibling can look up to and be proud of. Not that my sister hasn’t seen me at my lowest and pulled me from many a mess of my own making– but she looks up to me too.  And she gave me the greatest gifts of two little ones that are not so little– that look up to me as well.   Stay tuned.  I’ve got a little more magic left in me, but if I never did another thing, I’d be OK being Terrie and Tony’s son, Tracie’s Bro and Uncle Tony to Nick and Jess.